The Woody Allen Atlas
Written by: Lance Carmichael, CC2K Staff Writer
Contains Some Redeeming Value
Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex * But Were Afraid to Ask 1972 (W)
This is a series of sketches rather than a feature film. Like most sketch compilations, some are better than others. A lot of the comedy is dated, but two stand out: one about Gene Wilder as a psychiatrist who falls in love with a sheep, and a pitch-perfect Fellini send-up ten years before Stardust Memories.
New York Stories 1989 (Oedipus Wrecks*) (W)
A forty-minute short film included in this trio of movies set in New York by Martin Scorsese, Francis Ford Coppola, and Woody. Woody’s portion of the movie is mildly funny–Woody Lite. Woody plays a New Yorker whose overbearing Jewish mother is magically transformed into a God-like entity that hovers above New York, watching her son as he goes about his day and commenting (for all of New York to hear and see). Good, clean, predictable fun. New York Stories is really worth checking out for Scorsese’s contribution, Life Lessons, starring Nick Nolte as a Jackson Pollack-like painter. Ranks up with the best of Scorsese’s work, which is high praise indeed.
*Look for a young(er) Larry David cameo!
Love and Death 1975 (W)
An entire movie built around spoofing 19th century Russian literature begs the question: Why? There’s actually kind of an interesting answer if you look at this movie in the context of the Woodman’s career. This movie came right before Annie Hall, when Allen was clearly reaching for something more “substantial” than gag-a-minute comedy to earn respect amongst the Manhattan sophisticates amongst which he now lived. In that light, Love and Death, which stars Woody and Diane Keaton as protagonists in send-ups of great novels like The Brothers Karamazov and War and Peace, is a failed experiment that would send Woody back into the lab to triumphantly emerge with Annie Hall, one of the true landmarks of the first century of cinema. There’s some funny bits in Love and Death, but it was probably a lot funnier when it was released, before the Zucker Bros. and Co. took the Early Woody Allen Comedy formula, polished and speeded it up, made Top Secret! and a handful of comedy gems, and ran it into the ground, only to hand it over to the undeserving hands of the Wayans Bros.
Deconstructing Harry 1997 (W)
Worth seeing more for its historical significance in Woody’s career than for its intrinsic entertainment value as a film unto itself. Why is it significant for Woody’s career?
1. This is arguably the first and most vulgar case where Woody used his legendary status to bag as many A-list stars to play tiny roles for no reason whatsoever except (presumably) to satisfy his ego and secure funding. Demi Moore, Robin Williams, Elisabeth Shue, Billy Crystal, Julia Louse-Dreyfus, Tobey Maguire–the list might not look as lustrous now, but these were all big stars at the time, and they were given next-to-nothing to do in tiny parts. Woody used to use actors who basically only appeared in big roles in his movies (Can you name any movie Mia Farrow’s been in besides Rosemary’s Baby?), which feels a whole lot more artistically sound than casting Billy Crystal just because you can get him.
2. You kind of get the sense that Woody knew he was in a slump and tried to jar himself out of it here. He basically threw everything but the kitchen sink at this movie. He plays a writer whose stories are shown in quick, “comic” vignettes (usually starring A-list actors)–a deliberate attempt to recapture the anarchic style of his greatest triumph, Annie Hall. It doesn’t really work–Woody had irretrievably lost his comic touch by this point–but you have to admire him for at least trying, and it’s somewhat interesting to watch an ambitious artist take risks and fail. Presumably you can learn from their mistakes. Mistakes like: “Don’t cast Robin Williams and Billy Crystal in the same movie.”
3. For the first and only time in his career, Woody plays a slightly different character. This is especially interesting because he recasts himself from a neurotic hypochondriac to a neurotic misanthrope. This basically means that he says “fuck” and “cunt” a lot, which is very much like watching a beloved grandfather suddenly start talking like Johnny Rotten. Woody plays an unrepentant scoundrel who’s basically unlikable. It was a woefully misconceived choice and makes you very uncomfortable, but, again, at least Woody was trying something different.
Sweet and Lowdown 1999 (NW)
Falls squarely into the Purple Rose of Cairo school of Sweet Movies. Slight, weightless, and totally forgettable, but featuring a good performance from Sean Penn as a jazz guitarist and some period piece goodness.
For Completists Only
Sleeper 1973 (W)
I’m sorry. I may catch some flak for this, but this is one of Woody’s hugely over-rated early comedies. The jokes are far too Borscht Belt and the filmmaking just way too crude for this movie to hold up in 2006. Thank God Woody outgrew “hilarious” physical slapstick with Annie Hall, otherwise he’d be remembered as a “great” nobody really likes anymore because of evolutionary steps in comedy (see Chaplin, Charlie; Ball, Lucille and Brooks, Mel). The Orgasm Machine is pretty cool, though–one could argue that Woody pretty much foresooth the invention of the Internet with that one.
Bullets Over Broadway 1994 (NW)
I remember liking this when it first came out. I should have let that pleasant memory lie unexamined. A recent re-watching reveals a Woody who’s comic powers had finally left him as his (very talented) cast hemmed and hawed and gesticulated like they were performing on Vaudeville with Jackie Gleason. I would draw Bullets Over Broadway as the Maginot Line between Frequently Good but Always Interesting Woody Allen and Shitty Woody Allen, which makes watching Bullets Over Broadway nowadays all the more depressing. Qualification: this is not a terrible movie, it’s just not very good; it’s kind of like seeing a grandparent forget your name for the first time–they’re still mostly there, but they’re undeniably heading down a dark path from which there’s no turning back.
Everyone Says I Love You 1996 (W)
Woody’s musical, made after he had lost his touch. If that sounds appealing to you, by all means, go out and rent this movie. At least it’s got an all-star cast, plus Alan Alda in another Woody Allen movie.
Shit Sandwich
Mighty Aphrodite 1995 (W)
This movie inexplicably won an Oscar for Mira Sorvino. Mira Sornivo! People didn’t realize that the Woody they knew and loved was gone and never coming back by this point, and pretended that they loved this shit. It’s amazing how broad Woody’s comedy was at the beginning and the end of his career, like his default setting as a Jewish comedian of the old school was Borscht Belt hammy one-liners, and he only ascended from this Low Comic Form through the great effort of his genius intellect during his Prime Years (1977-1992). Watch this film now. If you laugh out loud once, I’ll (fill in the blank with something unpleasant).
Melinda and Melinda 2004 (NW)
Ugh. Two titans of unfunniness: Senile Woody Allen and Will Ferrell. The framing device of this movie is two playwrights eating dinner, discussing whether life is basically Tragic or Comic, riffing on the same story using their respective viewpoints. Nobody on earth talks like these people. Woody used to be a master of naturalistic-sounding smart dialogue. It’s just depressing to watch this now, like finding your grandmother stuck in the bathtub with one of her own turds. Why do I keep coming up with grandparent analogies? Probably because Woody was pushing 70 when he made these.
Celebrity 1998 (W)
Woody took such a beating for casting himself as someone Elizabeth Shue would date in Deconstructing Harry that he finally threw his hands up and cast another actor to play himself for the first time in Celebrity. Woody chose Kenneth Branagh for this thankless task, and though Branagh tries his best, no one can do Woody but Woody. The only thing we can be thankful for is that Woody cast Branagh instead of Jason Biggs, as he would do five years later in Anything Else (Jason Biggs!). I really don’t remember anything about this movie, except that Leonardo DiCaprio and Charlize Theron were in it, and it sucked.
Not Suitable For Human Beings
Curse of the Jade Scorpion 2001 (W)
Just trust me on this.
Post-Script
It’s also only fair to point out that I haven’t seen every Woody Allen movie. In the interest of science, here’s the ones I haven’t seen (you can mentally insert them wherever you see fit): Take the Money and Run, Interiors, Radio Days, September, Another Woman, Shadows and Fog, Small Time Crooks, Hollywood Ending, Anything Else, and the just-released Scoop. If you think this disqualifies me from writing this Atlas, let me plead that none of these movies are considered anywhere near his finest work, basically falling into the Bad Woody Allen categories of “So Crude They Almost Can’t Be Considered Movies” (Take the Money and Run, which I’m sure has some funny moments in it), “Unrewarding, Wanna-Be Bergman Serious Movies” (Interiors through Shadows and Fog) or “Doddering Senility” (the rest). I’m sure one or two of these have some redeeming qualities, but I can say with some confidence that you can skip these and not miss a whole lot.