The Top Ten Tones that Pown

Written by: Adam "ManKorn" Korenman, CC2K Video Games Editor

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7)  Final Fantasy

“Final” must mean something else at Square, because there are a billion of these fucking games

Do I really need to introduce this series? One of the most acclaimed RPGs in history? No? Good, because the Wiki page is down and I don’t want to break out the old Brittanica.

For me, Final Fantasy started with VII and went on from there, but there have been a total of 35 as of last year, and more are already on their way to the next-generation of consoles. Each tells a unique story, with the exception of rare sequels. They are universally gorgeous to look at, and have some of the best music ever composed. 

I remember buying Final Fantasy VIII, unsure of what was in store for me. Back in those days, if you didn’t have a subscription to Nintendo Power, or time to loiter at your local Babbages, you had no way of knowing what a game would really be like. Purchasing these products was a roll of the dice, and often you came up wanting. 

Not so with FF8. It started like this…

I didn’t even want to play the game. I just wanted to watch that shit again

Following the adventures of Squall and his friends, you have to stop an evil witch from…you know, the plot of this game is maybe the most convoluted mess I have ever gone through. Loved every minute of it, don’t get me wrong, but it was hard to know if I won at the end of the day.

Is he in some dream-limbo? Is it like the end of Inception?

For most Final Fantasy fans out there, the only true storyline involves a spiky-headed punk and a beautiful hippie. 

And a man with a machine-gun arm. And Michelle Rodriguez. And a marshmallow-bear wearing a cat

And, of course, the most memorable music comes from this one particular scene. 

WARNING! IF YOU NEVER PLAYED FF7, YOU MIGHT WANT TO SKIP THIS!

Oh, the spoiler is in the title of this video? Well, crap

I’d like to say more, but some bastard is cutting onions in the room. Excuse me a moment.