The Life and Death of Johnny the Guard

Written by: Adam "ManKorn" Korenman, CC2K Video Games Editor

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The End

Purists may ask: “Why this picture?”

I reply: “My article, my rules”

Be honest. At this point in the story, you’re kind of surprised our hero hasn’t already met with the grisliest of endings. Johnny has spat in the face of basic soldiering and common sense at every turn, surviving by blind luck alone. But in life, that just ain’t enough.

Johnny has–through no skill of his own–escaped some of the more common ways video game guards die:

Strangling

 

Shooting

Stabbing

Exploding

Sniped

Metal Gear’d

Johnny had a life outside being a guard. He had a wife and two kids, a dog named ! and a half-acre of Kentucky blue grass. His life wasn’t perfect, but it was happy. He knew love and loss, good times and bad, and had plans to go into teaching after he left the armed service.

But his new employer failed to brief him on a lesser-known threat. Even with all his experience, and all his luck, Johnny fell into a rookie mistake his last day on the job.

Don’t, under any circumstances, charge headlong at the laser-sword-wielding cyberman.

Rest in peace, Johnny.