The Life and Death of Johnny the Guard
Written by: Adam "ManKorn" Korenman, CC2K Video Games Editor
The Shot
Now Johnny never did find the owner of those footprints, and later that day his entire base exploded and everyone died. By some miracle, Johnny managed to escape unharmed. By an even greater miracle, he managed to find gainful employment with another evil corporation some time down the road.
Not really, but you’d believe me if I said so. These guys will hire anyone
And the training they put these guys through is somewhat improved, as Johnny now travels with a group of soldiers rather than flying solo. Heck, you’d have to be some kind of crazy man to go up against the likes of these trained killers. They’re even wearing proper camouflage.
North Korea, opting for a more “fabulous” uniform than their democratic counterparts
Sadly, his situational awareness is somewhat lacking.
Situational Awareness, for those of you who have never played an FPS, is all about staying mindful of your surroundings. Did that shrub across the way just move? Did that camera just turn off? Is that a dude hiding underneath a cardboard box in the middle of the damn room?
“I am such a good spy”
It also means noticing when your buddy is SHOT IN THE FACE about two feet from you.
In Johnny’s case, it takes him a minute to come to terms with the fact that a shot has even been fired. Now, in his defense, I have no prior knowledge of how well his ears do or do not work. I would assume that something that comes up on an employment review, but that’s just hearesay.
Even if the round missed him, why does he only investigate it for two minutes? The danger is still present, idiot! This is the same as if you woke one night to the sound of breaking glass, and you went downstairs and discovered a brick had been thrown through your window. You investigate for a few minutes, but only really look around that one room, then go back to bed.
THIS IS YOUR LIFE, DO SOME FUCKING LEG WORK.
Not that it makes a difference for Johnny.