The Life and Death of Johnny the Guard

Written by: Adam "ManKorn" Korenman, CC2K Video Games Editor

The Sighting

So there’s our boy, Johnny. He’s got his winter gear pulled snug around his big, dumb face; his black webbing strapped down with ammo and grenades, which is SUPER tactical in an all-white environment; and he is just shuffling around and around waiting for his shift to end.

And then, there it is: Sudden and irrefutable proof that something is amiss. For the majority of his day, Johnny has walked passed the same patch of unbroken snow. He has it memorized down to the last flake. But now, something different.

A footprint.

YOU’RE THE ONLY PERSON OUT HERE, JOHHNY!

But rather than call in a possible threat on the GIANT RADIO ON HIS SHOULDER, Johnny decides to investigate on his own…by staring down at his feet while he marches after the rogue footprints.

This is straight from the Loony Tunes school of following footprints, not from the handbook of a genetically-modified super soldier. Get your head in the game, Johnny. Here there be monsters.

Snake doesn’t play around when it comes to war profiteering

Did you guess that Johnny didn’t find the culprit? Good for you, this isn’t a gameshow.