The CC2k Oscars round-up
Written by: The CinCitizens
In Defense of the Oscars
Guys, all your objections to the Oscars are valid. Yes, it’s hypocritical, shameless, pretentious, outdated, and embarrassing. I agree with you.
And that’s exactly what makes it so great.
I am a pretentious, smug asshole when it comes to media. That seems to me about the only sane position for an engaged young person to have in the age of Fear Factor. And because of this, I (and probably you) watch TV differently than Joe Suburbs in Naperville, Illinois. How’s that?
Unless I’m watching HBO (or a few-and-far-between show like The Daily Show or The Office), I am watching TV to make fun of it. That is my default setting for any and all network and cable TV. It may seem senseless to subject yourself to something only to make yourself feel superior to it, but it’s not, really. It feels nice feeling superior to something. I am superior to TV. We all are.
And there is no greater spectacle of crassness and self-congratulation to make fun of than the Oscars. Why do we all feel an instinct to get together to watch the Oscars in a “party” setting, rather than at home, by ourselves? Because we need an audience for our jokes. And we need a friendly competitive atmosphere to make those jokes in, to see who can be the funniest smug asshole in the room.
All the peacocked-up actors on display serve a two-fold purpose: Marge in Cincinnati gets to marvel at Charlize Theron’s “glamour,” and I get to marvel out loud about her weird, orange skin. And there’s nothing–NOTHING–better than the parade of boozy, drugged-out actresses that get led on-stage by various handlers. Nicole Kidman’s Vicodin-soaked teleprompter reading was just the warm-up this year to Lauren Bacall’s confused, whiskey-drenched cringe-a-thon montage introduction. Is Lauren Bacall a raging alcoholic, a pill-addicted shut-in, or just plain dumb? That’s the fun of the whole thing!
The fact that the Academy has hired unimpeachably cool hosts the last two years (Chris Rock and Jon Stewart) does nothing to ruin the fun. Sure, there’s really nothing to make fun of when it comes to these two—they’re great–but they’re just there to join YOU, the AUDIENCE MEMBER, in the fun. Jon Stewart comes out after the umpteenth bullshit montage tribute and says “Next up: Oscars montage tribute to montages!,” and its just one more jeering voice making fun of this ridiculous show.
But is the Oscar any worse when they hire Whoopi Goldberg? Whoopi’s not funny, obviously…or is it so obvious? I would argue that she’s SO unfunny that her unfunniness is actually hilarious. Plus, she gives you, the empowered, 21st century audience member, a veritable goldmine of things to make fun of as she comes out dressed up as a character from all the nominated movies as if this act itself constitutes “comedy.” If the Oscars really want to get in touch with the youth audience–which they’re recent choice of hosts prove they’re clearly desperate to do–they should hire a Whoopi Goldberg type AND a Jon Stewart type to host the Oscars simultaneously. Think about it. Billy Crystal can come out and do his opening monologue of “It’s a wonderful time for an Oscar” song-and-dance routines and My Giant 2 plugs, and then Jon Stewart can come out and make fun of it. Beautiful!
— by Lance Carmichael