Shopping Naked on Black Friday

Written by: Adam "ManKorn" Korenman, CC2K Video Games Editor

1) Doorbusters are F***ing Worthless

A Doorbuster is a product a store uses to get you through the door. It is a TV that is ludicrously low priced, or a DVD box-set on clearance. It’s a free hot dog with every bloody nose. In other words, it’s a waste of your life. 

I worked four Black Fridays, and each one had worse Doorbusters than the last. We sold a 50″ TV for $399 back when that was super cheap (nowadays they give those away when you ask politely). It was an off-brand, and lacked certain features that are usually considered mandatory (such as quality). But people lined up for miles for a chance to get one. 

And here’s the kicker. We ended Black Friday with six left in stock. SIX. People knew how crappy they were and didn’t actually buy them. 

So why do this at all? Why spend your holiday with strangers, fighting for a measly ten dollar savings, when you could be doing all your shopping butt naked with pumpkin pie smeared on your face?

Why You Should Shop at Home

Forget the deals. Black Friday is about keeping big box stores relevant. And, let’s face it, they aren’t anymore. 

As someone who worked in the industry, and who still has friends employed at those stores, I understand. Seriously, I get it. And I’d hate to see my old workplace shut down in the way Circuit City withered and died. But I also hate seeing my friends sucked back into that netherworld of toil and suffering when they should be relaxing with family. 

Thanksgiving is not the holiest of holidays, nor is it even my favorite (let’s hear it for Arbor Day!) but it is a time for family. Whether you like your folks or not, this is a day for gathering together and being happy to have people in your life. Maybe you do a Friends-giving and leave the family back home, or you go to a Denny’s and freebase some maple syrup, it doesn’t really matter as long as it’s what you want to do. 

Stay at home for your shopping needs. You’ll save time and money (and isn’t time also money? So really, you’re saving Time+Time). If the Best Buys and Walmarts and Targets of the world fail because they can’t make enough money throughout the year, then that is their own fault for not adjusting to the changing market. They do not have the right to rob you of your family time for the sake of a few dollars. 

Adam out.