Shopping Naked on Black Friday

Written by: Adam "ManKorn" Korenman, CC2K Video Games Editor

2) Spend the Holidays with Family, Not Frenzy

When I worked retail, we opened the doors for Black Friday shoppers at a brain-frying 5 AM. Since I flew home for the holiday, that meant eating a huge turkey dinner, grabbing a few hours of sleep, and then catching a red-eye back to California so I could be there to welcome the unruly mob. Luxuries like that are relics of a long dead past. 

Walmart recently announced that they will opened for Black Friday at 5 PM Thanksgiving Day! 

Pardon my language, but are fucking kidding me?

The reasoning behind this asinine decision is that families will be able to get their shopping done ahead of dinner, and then have more time to enjoy the holidays together. People who say such nonsense clearly have never been to a Black Friday event. Forget the fact that people started lining up outside stores on November 1st, NOBODY gets in and out of a big box store in less than four hours. And that’s only when you actually reach the store. 

Why You Should Shop at Home

Do you know how long the wait is at home? Zero fucking minutes. 

You can actually set up all of your purchases ahead of time, placing them gently in your online cart while you fork down your sixth plate of stuffing and yams. Just about the time Grandpa Joe starts in on how the other races are ruining this country, you can be planning out how you’ll spend all this money you’re saving. 

You will miss out on nothing because you will be home this entire time, enjoying the wondrous calamity that is a family gathering. Has your sister really started shacking up with a drug dealer? You’d never know if you were sleeping it off in a tent outside your local Cost Plus. 

And why on Earth would you want to anyway?