My Top 4 “Holy S#!7” Moments in PC Gaming

Written by: Adam "ManKorn" Korenman, CC2K Video Games Editor

1) Duke Nukem (or my introduction to the adult world)

When I was growing up, I was afforded a lot of freedom (and not just because I grew up in ‘Merica). I watched A Nightmare on Elm Street when I was only six, had a television in my room, and once ate honey-covered Captain Crunch for breakfast. But one thing I was not allowed to do was play Duke Nukem.

Now, a few of you reading this column never played the original bad boy of gaming. You might think of Duke as an anecdote told to young gamers to keep them in line. “Better get 100% of the achievements, little Timmy, or I’ll make you play Duke Nukem Forever after this.”

How long does it take to make the worst game ever? About 15 years

But back in a gentler time, Duke Nukem was the best first-person-shooter ever made.

It had everything: big guns, big aliens, and big attitude. You could blow up sections of the environment, fire a dual-wielded rocket launcher, and even just kick your enemies to death. There was more blood and gore in a single pixel of that game than in the entirety of Goldeneye.

My Introduction to the Adult World

Now, I wasn’t a super sheltered kid growing up. I knew of the female form, and how it differed in many ways from that of a man (thank you, Kindergarten Cop). But with the rare exception of a little cartoon side-boob, my actual reference material for such things was sorely lacking.

Enter Duke Nukem, or more accurately, have Duke enter a strip club. While the graphics may not compare to Last of Us or Assassin’s Creed, those thirty-two-bit boobies caused a change in me. Watching Duke hold out a fistful of soiled dollar bills, all while shouting “shake it, baby,” had a profound affect on young Adam.

Sure, the ultraviolence was taken in stride, but putting material like that into a game took it to a new level. No longer was I dallying in a child’s time sink. This was man-work. And I realized that. And so I became a man.

The ultimate lesson to learn here, of course, is that parents of young gamers need to know what the hell their kids are playing. Stories like the one in Last of Us are not for young kids. The violence of GTA V is downright traumatizing to underage players. These games are incredible and powerful and should be treated with respect, just as we do violent movies and television. If you think that a title is right for your kid just because it’s called a “game,” you are on the path to being a really crappy parent.

Oh snap, did this article just get real?