Half-Life 3: CONFIRMED!

Written by: Adam "ManKorn" Korenman, CC2K Video Games Editor

JESUS, WHAT ELSE?

That’s right. J.J. F&#(! Abrams.

The iconic director took the stage, shook Gabe’s hand, and faced the crowd. You could hear a pin drop. 

“Wow, so this is a fun moment.” He laughed nervously. “As most of you know, I’ve been a little busy the last few years. Star Trek, Star Wars, and the Mission: Impossible series. Heck, it’s hard to keep track of how many franchises I’m improving. But now, I think it’s time to give back to some of the most hardcore fans out there.

“So let’s make this official. We’re not talking about a movie. We’re not talking about a trilogy. Those concepts are so 1999. What’s the big news in movies nowadays? Cinematic Universes. I’m talking about the Half-Life Cinematic Universe, to include Portal and more!”

There was more said, but all of it fell to the roar of the crowd. Gabe and J.J. posed for a few pictures, then disappeared back stage to celebrate breaking the Internet. 

I don’t even know what I’m going to do with myself now.

Oh, by the way, happy April 1st.