Gamer Grub: A Night of Terror

Written by: Adam "ManKorn" Korenman, CC2K Video Games Editor

Enter the Dragon

This is image is unrelated, but super awesome

Back in the fight, I reaped unholy vengeance on an enemy team that had grown fat and lazy in my absence. Grenades fell like rain amidst the gathered troops, and sniper fire thinned their ranks again and again. I was unstoppable.

But then I got thirsty.

Never forget, sand vomit

Sure, I could walk all the way to the kitchen like some kind of peasant, but I had a drink already at my fingertips. I unscrewed the cap to the Gamer Fuel, gave Spartan 117 a wink, and gulped it down.

Fire shot down my esophagus, landing in my stomach like the asteroid in Deep Impact. My body convulsed as the 1600 grams of sugar coursed through my veins. I saw colors that didn’t exist before nor would ever exist again. I was Neo.

Basically, it was A Scanner Darkly

While the flavor was something akin to gasoline mixed with battery acid, the effect was instantaneous. I was a Battlefield wizard. I saw code on screen, little zeroes and ones alerting me to the presence of a digital enemy nearby. I ran through the fake city streets with guns blazing, mowing down the competition in a hail of fire and death.

Looking over at the bottle on my desk, I swear I saw Master Chief shoot my a thumbs-up. How could I have ever doubted him?