Gamer Grub: A Night of Terror

Written by: Adam "ManKorn" Korenman, CC2K Video Games Editor

Game Fuel

Mountain Dew is known for taking the world of carbonated beverages and hurling it on its ear. This trend of game-changery has culminated in some of soda’s finest masterpieces, such as Code Red or Baja Blast.

While delicious, there were side-effects

But their finest hour surely was the creation of Gamer Fuel, the drink for the truly hardcore.

Now, I’m a traditionalist. When I get home from work, I like to sit down on the couch, kick off my shoes, and drown my sorrows in a vat of scotch. I’m like the President in that way. Or perhaps Ron Burgundy. In any case, I had stopped on my way home at a purveyor of goods known colloquially as “7-11.” While purchasing my weekly lottery ticket (can’t win if you don’t play) I noticed the familiar helmed-visage of Master Chief staring down at me.

How he imbibes with that helmet on, I’ll never know

Apparently, if I really wanted to “take it to the next level,” I needed to get some Gamer Fuel. Made from all the best parts of a plastic factory waste bin, this byproduct of nuclear fission guaranteed higher scores and more visceral pownage. I had to get down with it if I intended on upping my game. Or something like that, I don’t know how to use the kid lingo these days.

So yeah, I bought Gamer Fuel. I brought that crap to my home, to my place of rest and storage, and no responsible adult tried to stop me. There were dozens of people between me and that decision, and each one of them failed at the test of basic humanity. There I was, entering my apartment with a bag of mystery “grub”, a bottle of gamma-powered coke, and a copy of Battlefield 3 waiting in my room.

Trouble, you could say, was a’brewing.