April Fools Week – Batman: The Widening Gyre Volume 1 (Issues #1-6)

Issue #6

The final issue of volume 1 of The Widening Gyre is Smith’s real tour de force. In this final issue he does more than in the first 5 combined to (as I said before) ‘ignore, discard, and outright destroy superior canon that has come before’. He starts with Catwoman. I’m not hugely familiar with the character, but I feel like I know enough. I know that she is a fan favorite, and her appeal extends beyond her sex appeal. Like Poison Ivy, while she’s been portrayed and used as a sex object before and after The Widening Gyre, I’m not sure any depiction has been as damaging as Smith’s. In DC’s recent and rather controversial reboot, readers were “treated” to a Batman/Catwoman sex scene. Remember this?

In the face of some heavy criticism, one could (and I believe many did) argue that sex has always been a part of her character, and this is simply depicting her as a strong, sexually liberated woman (note: I’m not saying it’s a valid argument, just one that can be made). But hey, it could have been worse; at least it’s not what Smith gives us.

In Issue #3 Catwoman confronts Batman in one of her more alluring outfits. She tries to seduce him, essentially out of jealousy over his relationship with Silver. It works to a point, the final page shows them kissing in a tight embrace. In Issue #4 she continues the “obsessed ex-girlfriend” shtick, finding Batman out on patrol and trying to continue the seduction. Batman rejects her and literally runs away when the Bat-signal conveniently lights up. In Issue #6 Smith gives us this page:

Let me offer some perspective. In the pages leading up to this one, Batman and Seabiscuit have been fighting Deadshot, who was in the middle of trying to carry out a contract on Catwoman. Batman demands to know who hired him, ready & willing to beat the answer out of him, when Catwoman confesses that she hired Deadshot. It was all a ruse to get Batman’s attention because, as she says, “you won’t return my calls, you won’t see me”. Then we get that page. Catwoman in tears. Sobbing. Then in 5 short panels her mood swings to rage. In the first panel on the following page, she punches Batman and calls him a bastard.

Can you see why fans of the character might be upset at Mr. Smith? Is Smith honoring her character? My gut tells me he isn’t. I feel like Catwoman has always, ALWAYS been fiercely independent. She may be attracted to Batman, may want him, even love him on some level, but I don’t know that she has ever needed him. In The Widening Gyre she not only needs him, but seems to be nothing without him, unable to function. Smith reduces her to a obsessive/psycho ex-girlfriend, a shallow shout-out to Fatal Attraction. For all the outrage over the more recent depiction of Catwoman in the DC reboot, Smith went there first, years earlier. He’s a pioneer. But he’s not done yet.

Smith next set his sights on one of the biggest names in comic books: Frank Miller. As you probably know, Miller has done ground-breaking work with Batman. The Dark Knight Returns and Batman: Year One consistently land near the top of lists of the greatest Batman graphic novels ever. Perhaps because he believes nothing and no one in comics is sacrosanct, Smith makes the bold (dare I say brave?) choice to knock Miller and Batman: Year One off of their pedestal. Remember this?

Batman’s theatrical introduction to some of Gotham’s worst mobsters and corrupt politicians stands out for me as one of the coolest “scenes” of the whole graphic novel. It also translated incredibly well in DC Animated’s feature-length film, as you can see in the clip below.

After Seabiscuit helps Batman take down some criminals mid-mugging, Batman soothes the victim and gives her instructions on what to tell the police, assuring her he’ll be watching over her until they.arrive. Seabiscuit is down on himself, complaining he doesn’t have Batman’s bedside manner, so to speak (Ha!). Batman panics like a schoolgirl on a first date, desperate to think of something to say to make Seabiscuit feel better about himself and build trust between them. What might he tell him? Something to let him know this is a process, an evolution; it doesn’t all come at once, but it will come with time and experience. Maybe a self-deprecating anecdote. Yes! That’s it! Kevin Smith then proceeds to figuratively open a copy of Batman: Year One and take a big, messy shit all over it, and I presume laughs heartily.

[Sheds single tear] How much more, Mr. Smith? When will it be enough? They’re rhetorical questions, as he’s not here to answer them. But he’s not finished; there’s still more to this final issue.

After Superman lends Batman the keys to the Fortress of Solitude so Batman can take Silver down for a whirlwind marriage proposal weekend (you know they had sex all over that place; I’m surprised Smith had the restraint not to show it) that ends with Bruce (in the Batsuit, cowl pulled back) “begging” Silver to “let him be her husband”, the newly engaged couple returns to the Batcave where they tell Alfred the good news. And we get the following page, which explains the nickname “Dee Dee”, a name Silver has been calling Bruce since Issue #1:

The powers of sarcasm and satire are eluding me. I’m going to have to just let that stand on it’s own, and power through to the end of this article. After that page, in the course of the next THREE PAGES Smith takes Batman from newly engaged and blissfully happy, to (no pun intended) BAT-SHIT INSANE.

After months upon months of hooking up with Silver, letting her hang out unattended in the Batcave, and taking her to the fucking Fortress of Solitude and Justice League Headquarters where he proposes, he suddenly is struck by the question: what if I’ve been played this whole time? Which causes Batman to COMPLETELY LOSE HIS SHIT and do the following:

Ah, something else I don’t think any of us have ever seen before. Batman the crazy, abusive boyfriend. Batman roughs Silver up so he can get a strand of her hair to test her DNA to make sure she’s human. When the test confirms that she is (human), Batman just sort of stands there, dumbfounded. When Silver demands to know what the fuck is going on, Batman replies that “I thought you might be one of Ivo’s robots”.

The stupidity of this statement makes my brain hurt.

First of all, I (and I imagine the average comic book reader) have no clue who the fuck “Ivo” is. I had to Google search “Ivo and DC” to find out that he’s some minor DC villain, a classic evil genius scientist type who I guess builds really advanced robots. Secondly, Batman’s reaction is completely absurd. I can’t imagine that Batman, as meticulous, prepared, and near obsessive that he is, wouldn’t have made himself absolutely certain of Silver’s identity and intentions LONG before this point. And even if he didn’t, that fact that he DOUBTS her identity, he IMMEDIATELY goes with “she’s a robot”? WTF?!?!? And OK, maybe he thinks she’s a robot. He wouldn’t act that way. He could sneak back to the Batcave, find a brush or shirt of hers, and get a strand of her hair for testing. Had it come up human, that only rules out that possibility. What if she’s a clone, or she is the real Silver St. Cloud, but she’s been brainwashed? Batman would launch a full-scale investigation WITHOUT SILVER’S KNOWLEDGE, and then if he found something he’d be able to figure out what part she’s playing in a larger scheme. No, Smith just has him lose his shit and go all Ray Pruit on Silver. And just to seal the abusive relationship imagery:

Are you fucking kidding me? I’m actually surprised Smith didn’t stick Batman with “Why do you make me hurt you, Silver?” Forget it, just press onward. We’re almost there…I’m just going to go ahead and SPOIL this whole fucking thing on the next page of this review, because who gives a shit?

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